I have a rule that I don't accept dates with less than 24 hours notice, particularly first dates. I've been speaking to someone on twitter and he constantly asks me to do things the same afternoon. Usually I already have plans by the time he asks, and when he does ask it's usually things like "My coworkers are going out, you should come!" "A few friends are going to trivia, you should join." etc. And it's around 2 in the afternoon. Are my expectations unreasonable?
Date Me, D.C. says:
Hey, I don't fault you at all -- despite as footloose and fancy-free as this blog may make me appear, I am generally not a spontaneous person. It doesn't matter if I don't have anything going on that particular night; if I had planned on being home and watching TV, that is what I had planned to do, and if someone asks me to do something last-minute -- even if it sounds super cool -- my stomach starts to feel sour and I say "NOPE."
|Tuesday: Sit on my ass at home|
The reason my blog even existed in the first place was that I was purposely putting myself outside my comfort zone in order to meet people. So, there's that.
In any case, I don't necessarily think your expectations are unreasonable, but your actions in response may be. Are you responding with "Oh, I can't tonight, but maybe next time?" If so, he's going to keep asking you to do things in the same manner because he has no idea he's doing anything wrong.
Try this response on for size: "Hey, that sounds like a lot of fun and I really would love to hang out with you, but I need a little more notice because I'm a planner and my schedule books up." If he doesn't respond well to that, then he's one of two things: 1. just plain inconsiderate, or 2. someone with whom you are incompatible at base levels.
Either way, he'd be not really worth worrying about, right? I know it can be hard when you're interested in someone, but try to keep that in mind.
Remember, you can ask questions anonymously by clicking here or by emailing me at email@example.com.