Tuesday, May 27, 2014

The new scourge of D.C. dating

Well, D.C. men, it's come to this. I can't believe I have to write this post, but you've given me no choice.

I thought it was just a particularly laughable date when I wrote about it in the first Date Night Court case. I thought it was an uncanny coincidence when I wrote about it for the second Date Night Court case. But then it popped up in a Human Experimentation writeup. And it will appear in another one in the forthcoming weeks.

What is this latest scourge of dating plaguing the D.C. area? Simply, this: Men are bringing their friends along.

Yes, it's 2014 and men are bringing goddamn chaperones when they're going to meet a woman. Guys are planning dates where they're on their home turfs/regular watering holes, thus practically guaranteeing an encounter with buddies, or they're actively inviting a bunch of bros to join the date festivities.

Guys. GUYS.

What. the. FUCK.

Why on God's green earth are you DOING THIS?!?!?!?!

I get that D.C. can be uncomfortably small. I myself have run into countless guys I've gone out with while out on the town -- some of them while I was on a date with someone else. It's awkward, and it can be difficult to navigate. You don't always know what's the right thing to do in those situations.

But while I might not have known what was the exact right thing, you know what I didn't do? I DIDN'T FUCKING INVITE THEM TO JOIN US.

Men, I have to ask you: Are you so insecure that you can't handle an evening talking to a girl by yourself? Are you so paralyzed with fear of the vagina just feet away from you that you have to phone a friend?!?


I don't think men are doing this when they're dating in other cities (though, if you are a reader in another city and I am wrong on this, please let me know in a comment!). So what makes D.C. so uniquely bad? Why are men here inviting their friends while men elsewhere are not?

Honestly... I think it might have something to do with the D.C. obsession with status and power. People here always want to broadcast how many people they know, and how powerful the people they know are. I think the guys in question here were thinking, "If I can show her how many people think I'm cool, then she too will think I'm cool and thus be powerless in the face of my charms."

But, guys, I hate to burst your bubble but it really doesn't work like that. You might think you're showing us your status, but really all you're showing is how much of a gigantic douche you are! Also, you're showing us you're a pathetic sad sack who can't function unless his friends are there to prop him up. Decidedly unsexy.

So my advice? Ditch your friends and figure out how to show a girl you're cool on your own steam. And if you're unable to do that, well, maybe you should spend some time working on yourself instead of clogging up the dating pool.


  1. That is just messed up!. Can't believe how desperate people are if they have to resort to this, just be cool and if you do everything right the girl will follow. You can have a thousand cool friends but they don't mean crap when you are on a date, you just have your personality to show then.


Tell me what you think!