Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Oh hey there, blog...

So, about that posting "next week" thing I wrote in my last entry... yeah, sorry. Things picked up at work, and I went on vacation to Germany. Basically, life got in the way of blogging!

In any case, here's a quick list of things going on with me:

- I recently had a first double date with my new friend Christy and her fiance, Ryan. It was a lot of fun, and I learned that apparently on the TV show "Scandal," there was a plotline where a Washington blogger who wrote about having affairs with congressmen and other high-profile movers and shakers got killed. It was apparently said that that character's blog was "kind of like Date Me, D.C.!" 

I had to laugh at that -- I assure you, I have never dated anyone of any importance. If anything, all my dates were decidedly unimportant people (save for in their own minds...ahem). Probably the highest profile person I ever went out with was Ben Tribbett, who recently made D.C. headlines for being hired by the Redskins to blog about how great the team name is but quit after two weeks

**I feel the need to reiterate that he paid $250 to go out with me. Moving on.

- R and I have a wedding date! We'll be getting hitched on Sept. 19, 2015, right here in D.C. I'm pretty super psyched about this. Check out the weather on that date for the past three years:

Just awesome.

I don't really plan on blogging about the wedding planning process -- that seems desperately boring. If anything of particular note happens, I might write about it, but for the most part I think I'll keep that offline.

- I have no idea why the pictures in the navigation bar above keep screwing up. I'm working on fixing them.

I'm working on writing a few blog posts right now, and I hope to be back more regularly in the next few weeks. You can help me to do that in the following ways:

1. Ask me questions via emails to or anonymously by clicking here!

2. Send me other suggestions for things you'd like to see being written about!

On that note, onward!

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Apologies for absenteeism

Hey, friends! Just a quick post to say I'm not dead -- just super busy. I do most of my writing on weekends, and I've been out of town/otherwise fully occupied during the past five of them.

I will return soon, I promise! Just need to get to a weekend where I don't have a million things going on. Oh, and I need to get our wedding venue booked, too... Did you guys know that shit around here is already booked through September 2015?! That is INSANE to me. Wedding planning is for the birds.

Anyway, point is, I'll have new posts up next week. See you then!

Monday, June 2, 2014

Advice: Men's preferences regarding women wearing lipstick

Anonymous asks:
Do guys actually like when girls wear lipstick? Doesn't it just bother them when it gets all over them? Just wondering...

Date Me, D.C. says:

I'm not a big wearer of lipstick. I prefer gloss -- if I'm wearing anything at all -- because lipstick makes my mouth feel too warm (and I fully realize how weird that sounds). Therefore, I decided to crowd-source this question. Here are a sampling of the answers:
  • Honestly, that is the last thing I'm likely to be thinking of when making out.
  • It takes 2 seconds for me to wipe lipstick off me from a woman. And in my mind, that amount of time is surely worth the effort.
  • My husband doesn't even like to kiss me if I have Chapstick on...
  • Not really a concern unless we're trying to be discreet (at a party, still a new couple, dating co-workers, etc.)
As you can see, the answers naturally run the gamut, which is about what I expected. In this life -- and in dating especially -- nothing is one-size-fits-all. 

So, where does that leave you, dear Anonymous? Simply here: doing what makes you feel confident, comfortable and sexy as hell. Because THAT'S what guys are into -- not the lipstick. The lipstick is only a conduit to help you get there, and if the particular guy you're thinking of kissing on any given night doesn't want his lips to touch your lipstick-covered mouth, then take those aforementioned two seconds to wipe it off before getting down to business.

Oh, and one other suggestion from the crowd-sourcing:
  • I've made out with women wearing lipstick and managed to avoid having it all over. Perhaps the lipstick being worn should be changed if that's a serious problem.
Food for thought. Perhaps readers can suggest some good, long-lasting lipstick brands in the comments?

Remember, you can ask questions anonymously by clicking here or by emailing me at

Friday, May 30, 2014

Fire eHarmony: "Repeat After Me: 'If You Haven't Met the Person, It's Not a Real Relationship"

You know, maybe I've been wrong about eHarmony. I'm realizing as I go through their blog posts that not all their advice is bad. 

It's not all bad, you see, because they feel the need to spell things out that should be 100 PERCENT FLIPPIN' OBVIOUS!!! I read these things and go, "Yeah, OK, you're right, but Jesus CHRIST who is on your website that you need to explain this to?!"

So, here you go. A piece of obvious advice from eHarmony about the dangers of getting into a "relationship" with someone you've never met, written by the site's director of content, Jeannie Assimos.

Italics are eHarmony's; bold is mine.

Even with shows like MTV’s “Catfish” and increased awareness about online scammers, people are still getting duped as they search for love, friendship and connection via the internet. 

And everyone who's paid for eHarmony is also getting duped.

It is really sad and makes me furious. 


At eHarmony, we work extremely hard to monitor this sort of activity and get anyone off of the site who doesn’t have good intentions. But at the end of the day, people need to be smart about online relationships … specifically what is real and what is an illusion.


I mostly put this in for R, who is a huge "Arrested Development" fan.
I heard a story yesterday about a woman who met a man online, they chatted for months (on the phone and online), but never actually met in person. She still considered him her boyfriend. 

Which is CRAZY.

In fact, he proposed to her and she went as far as to start planning their wedding. 


Long story short, he broke it off with her (through text message, no less) and she was left devastated. All of this happened and she had never even met him. And she isn’t alone. She isn’t stupid, either. 

Uhhh... agree to disagree.

It is very easy to become susceptible to this type of situation, especially if you are really longing for a relationship, lonely or needing love in your life.

AKA, the average eHarmony user.

I am here to say if you never meet someone in person – it is not a real relationship.

You may think you are connected as you share intimacy through emails, phone calls, etc. but it’s not real until you actually spend time with this person — touch them, see them and hear their voice.

Do people really not get this!? I have NEVER experienced any sort of emotional connection with someone prior to meeting them. It was always "Well, he seems nice I guess, but if I don't come back at the end of the night it was OkCupid username dcguy0134 who did it." That was about as much credit as I ever gave anyone before meeting them in person for happy hour.

I found a great excerpt from Paul Weinberg’s fantastic book about connecting in this age of social media called “The I Factor,” and it has to do with the false sense of intimacy created through online communication: “Electronic communication is a medium that encourages intimacy by allowing you to reveal thoughts and feelings that you might not share with anyone else or that you might not be comfortable expressing face-to-face. But without the benefit of direct face-to-face interaction, electronic communication can also create a false sense of intimacy by providing a screen through which you can reveal as much or as little as you choose, and consciously or unconsciously filter or distort what you reveal … keep in mind that words themselves are limiting and reductionistic, and cannot possibly capture the richness and nuance of direct interpersonal contact.”

And you don't know if they're secretly a fattie, either. 


I read stories every single day about people uniting on eHarmony. It is a beautiful thing. 

I don’t want anyone to shy away from the great tool that is online dating, 

-- oh there are some great tools alright... some great big ol' tools.

but you have to be smart and do a little homework about this relatively new way of interacting with others.

Our rule of thumb here is if you do connect with someone we have matched you with, try to meet them in person within several weeks if possible. 

Several weeks?!?! Holy shit, how much time do you think people have to devote to this shit!?

Talk to them on the phone as soon as you are comfortable – I would say after several rounds of communication. 

Several rounds?!?!? Again, holy shit!

If they are long distance, Skype with them. 

Oh for fuck's sake, this is just getting ridiculous.

You need to look into the eyes of the person you are interested in to really get a sense of who they are beyond emails and phone calls.

If you meet someone online and they profess their love for you without actually meeting you — be very skeptical.

If an eHarmony match says they want to come and visit you but need money for a plane ticket, close them out and contact us ( If they say they want to keep chatting with you but their computer is on the fritz and they wonder if you could send them a new one, close them out and contact us.


Over a million people have successfully found love on eHarmony – it can absolutely happen for you too. Just be smart as you navigate this relationship journey.

CANNOT BELIEVE you had to spell that out. 

So that's it! If you already weren't convinced that joining eHarmony is the worst idea you could possibly have, just read through that blog post entry one more time. That is the sort of thing they have to really hammer home for their subscribers. And if they have to hammer that home for their subscribers, do you really want to date those people?! I'm guessing that's a hard NO.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Human Experimentation #7: Graham and Kelly

THE GUY: Graham is a 30-year-old non-profit worker with Midwestern sensibilities.

THE GAL: Kelly is a 32-year-old from rural Kentucky who now works in health policy.

REASON FOR THE MATCH: These two seemed to have had similar upbringings and a lot in common work-wise. Additionally, I thought Kelly's extroversion was a good match for Graham's introverted nature.

THE DATE: Graham and Kelly decided to meet for coffee at Kramerbooks & Afterwords Cafe in Dupont. Kelly got there a little early and was browsing the shelves, so when Graham got there he introduced himself and the two ventured off to get a spot to sit and chat. They talked about their upbringings and various other biographical details -- as you do on a first date, naturally.

And "naturally" is the word that both of them used to describe their conversation. Apparently, Graham and Kelly had a lot in common -- both have brothers, both grew up in conservative households, both really like their jobs. They also had both participated in the Register's Annual Great Bike Ride Across Iowa, which is a weeklong ride.

"Yes, she was easy to talk to," Graham said. "Nice too. Funny occasionally."

"He was attractive, seemed to be down-to-earth, and we had many things in common," Kelly said.

After about 30 minutes, coffee turned into dinner, and Kelly and Graham continued talking. They both described how easily the conversation flowed. They hung out together for 2.5 hours, but both said it did not feel like that amount of time. At the end of the date, they exchanged phone numbers and made plans for a second meeting.

THE RESULT: I'll let Kelly and Graham give you the result: 

"It felt so comfortable and effortless - only a few awkward silences," Kelly said. "I thought you did a great job matching us."

"I am glad we are planning a second date," Graham said. "We’ll see where it goes."

So, another excellent date! Hooray!

If you'd like to see who I'd put you with, send me an email at!

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

The new scourge of D.C. dating

Well, D.C. men, it's come to this. I can't believe I have to write this post, but you've given me no choice.

I thought it was just a particularly laughable date when I wrote about it in the first Date Night Court case. I thought it was an uncanny coincidence when I wrote about it for the second Date Night Court case. But then it popped up in a Human Experimentation writeup. And it will appear in another one in the forthcoming weeks.

What is this latest scourge of dating plaguing the D.C. area? Simply, this: Men are bringing their friends along.

Yes, it's 2014 and men are bringing goddamn chaperones when they're going to meet a woman. Guys are planning dates where they're on their home turfs/regular watering holes, thus practically guaranteeing an encounter with buddies, or they're actively inviting a bunch of bros to join the date festivities.

Guys. GUYS.

What. the. FUCK.

Why on God's green earth are you DOING THIS?!?!?!?!

I get that D.C. can be uncomfortably small. I myself have run into countless guys I've gone out with while out on the town -- some of them while I was on a date with someone else. It's awkward, and it can be difficult to navigate. You don't always know what's the right thing to do in those situations.

But while I might not have known what was the exact right thing, you know what I didn't do? I DIDN'T FUCKING INVITE THEM TO JOIN US.

Men, I have to ask you: Are you so insecure that you can't handle an evening talking to a girl by yourself? Are you so paralyzed with fear of the vagina just feet away from you that you have to phone a friend?!?


I don't think men are doing this when they're dating in other cities (though, if you are a reader in another city and I am wrong on this, please let me know in a comment!). So what makes D.C. so uniquely bad? Why are men here inviting their friends while men elsewhere are not?

Honestly... I think it might have something to do with the D.C. obsession with status and power. People here always want to broadcast how many people they know, and how powerful the people they know are. I think the guys in question here were thinking, "If I can show her how many people think I'm cool, then she too will think I'm cool and thus be powerless in the face of my charms."

But, guys, I hate to burst your bubble but it really doesn't work like that. You might think you're showing us your status, but really all you're showing is how much of a gigantic douche you are! Also, you're showing us you're a pathetic sad sack who can't function unless his friends are there to prop him up. Decidedly unsexy.

So my advice? Ditch your friends and figure out how to show a girl you're cool on your own steam. And if you're unable to do that, well, maybe you should spend some time working on yourself instead of clogging up the dating pool.

Monday, May 26, 2014

Advice: Dealing with last-minute date invitations

Anonymous asks:
I have a rule that I don't accept dates with less than 24 hours notice, particularly first dates. I've been speaking to someone on twitter and he constantly asks me to do things the same afternoon. Usually I already have plans by the time he asks, and when he does ask it's usually things like "My coworkers are going out, you should come!" "A few friends are going to trivia, you should join." etc. And it's around 2 in the afternoon. Are my expectations unreasonable?
Date Me, D.C. says: 

Hey, I don't fault you at all -- despite as footloose and fancy-free as this blog may make me appear, I am generally not a spontaneous person. It doesn't matter if I don't have anything going on that particular night; if I had planned on being home and watching TV, that is what I had planned to do, and if someone asks me to do something last-minute -- even if it sounds super cool -- my stomach starts to feel sour and I say "NOPE." 

Tuesday: Sit on my ass at home

The reason my blog even existed in the first place was that I was purposely putting myself outside my comfort zone in order to meet people. So, there's that.

In any case, I don't necessarily think your expectations are unreasonable, but your actions in response may be. Are you responding with "Oh, I can't tonight, but maybe next time?" If so, he's going to keep asking you to do things in the same manner because he has no idea he's doing anything wrong.

Try this response on for size: "Hey, that sounds like a lot of fun and I really would love to hang out with you, but I need a little more notice because I'm a planner and my schedule books up." If he doesn't respond well to that, then he's one of two things: 1. just plain inconsiderate, or 2. someone with whom you are incompatible at base levels. 

Either way, he'd be not really worth worrying about, right? I know it can be hard when you're interested in someone, but try to keep that in mind. 

Remember, you can ask questions anonymously by clicking here or by emailing me at

Friday, May 23, 2014

Fire eHarmony: "6 Things You Can Do to Better All of Your Relationships"

Ahh, Dr. Sherrie Campbell, we meet again.

You'll recall Dr. Campbell was the total quack licensed psychologist who gave us this series of poorly strung together non-sequiturs. Well, now she's back with this shitty advice list, and as luck would have it, it's just as juvenile as the first one. Enjoy!

Italics are eHarmony's; bold is mine.

We have one job in this life and that is to 


be authentic in who we are. 

(**sound of balloon deflating**)

It is easy to get pulled away from our commitment to ourselves in the world of relationships as we experience the demands of other people’s thoughts and expectations of who they would like us to be. The greatest gift you give to yourself is to just be you.

...what? Just... what? I have to read every sentence this woman writes five times before I am able to untangle them.

6 Steps to Being Authentically You:

1. Know Who You Are: 

I kind of feel like if this is a point, the rest of this is completely irrelevant because isn't this just a synonym for the title of the whole fucking thing?!?

When we know who we are we can say no when we need to say no and yes when we need to say yes. We know what we like or dislike and are not insecure about it or other people’s judgments of us. We are able to coast along in life with a sense of well-being because we are solid internally. 

Because that's good advice for life: Coast.

When we love ourselves we will not change who we are to gain love and approval.

This is bad advice. Maybe if no one loves you, you're a fucking asshole who SHOULD change who you are to gain love and approval? Just a thought.

2. Avoid Faking It: 

Oh girl, I have BEEN THERE. You think you're just being nice, but you're just teaching him bad habits!!!

Being too nice makes us inauthentic. 

Oh, I thought you meant... something else.

We do this because we do not want to hurt anyone’s feelings. So, we pretend to like people, events and circumstances we don’t like. A certain amount of this is socially acceptable and necessary. When it is a habit and there is an oppressive worry of what others think about us – this is unhealthy. We must be true to the truth of our experience and put that out into the world.

"Be true to your truth." - a woman with a license to treat people.

3. No Need to Audition: When we pretend to be someone we are not, we set ourselves up to be in an “audition” mode. We are always trying to be what we think others want us to be. We can sacrifice everything to give people what we think they want, when in reality, we have zero control over what people think. When we scale back and simply focus on the genuineness of who we are, there is no need to audition.

You hear that, you guys? Never give people what they want. NEVER.

4. Observe: When going into a new situation, begin to assess it from “Is this going to be good for me?” and “Is this going to add to my life and make me feel good” rather than approaching it from “What do I need to change or do to be good enough for the situation?”

So go everywhere and be all like this:

5. Be True to Yourself: 

Dude, she is just repeating herself right now. YOU LITERALLY JUST SAID THIS IN #2, SHERRIE.

It is one thing to know who you are but another thing to truly act upon it. Do what you want to do. Do what makes you happy and don’t waste one more minute of your time not feeling good enough for other people. When you can be in this place, you will be taken more seriously by others as well. When we are true to ourselves, others can sense it and life is much more enjoyable.

That was such a waste of energy to read. I hope she picks it up for the last one.

6. We Cannot Control What Others Think: 


What other people think of us actually has very little to do with us. What they think of us has to do with their own prejudices, fears, insecurities and projections. 

Or their opinion is formed from fact that you're an asshole.

When we see it from this place it becomes clear that it is a waste of time to be going around pretending to have feelings we do not have in an effort to avoid abandonment and gain approval.

All you have to do in this life to make it happy and significant is to just be you. Be who you are. 

This reads like an essay turned into high school English class where you have to reach a minimum of 1500 words and you're like "If I just say what I already said in different words I CAN MAKE IT."

When you are out pretending, you are not being authentic. If you are not being authentic, people do not really know who they are dealing with and how to treat you according to what your true needs are. Take a moment and relax. There is no one to impress, nothing needs to be done. Your being worthy has nothing to do with other people.

Little life Message: We are most loved when we are being 100% ourselves.

Someone needs to strip this woman of her license.

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Advice: Balancing dating with a busy schedule

Sarah asks:
What's the best way to balance momentum in early dating with a busy schedule without 'running over' the other person? You can't really pull out the agendas and lay out for them the free days for the rest of the month. And I don't want to be only dragging them to things I've already planned all the time. That would drive me crazy to be on the receiving end of that. But I feel awful if I've been on one date and would like a second and lo and behold my next open time slot isn't for a week and a half. And if that's the case for reasons beyond your control, what are some good ways to keep it rolling until then?
Date Me, D.C. says:

Well, I've got an answer for you, but you're probably not going to like it. You've got to prioritize dating just as much as you're prioritizing everything else. What that means is that sometimes, you've got to cancel plans or say no to other things to keep a spot in your schedule for someone you want to meet up with.

**cue readers clutching pearls and gasping in horror**

I know it's girl blasphemy to say that. We're not supposed to give up any time in our precious schedules for a MAN. Ugh, who could possibly imagine?!?!

But in all seriousness, I don't understand why people treat dating like it's this thing that's totally and completely different from everything else you're doing in your life. In my view, it's just another activity you've signed up to do, and if you want to keep your membership active, you've got to figure out a way to fit it into your schedule.

Relationships require a lot of prioritizing. You'd drop everything you were doing in an instant if you found out your significant other had gotten into a car wreck and was in the hospital, right? No matter what you were in the middle of, you'd figure out a way to get there. That's the most dramatic example, obviously, but consider maintaining friendships. If you never sought out plans to hang out or otherwise contact a person, at some point you would no longer be friends.

The same goes for budding romantic connections. If you never give that person the time of day, at some point he will no longer be interested.

What's scary, I will concede, is that even if you DO give him the time of day, at some point he may also not be interested. And that sucks, and I get it. You don't want to waste your time on someone who ultimately does not want to be with you.

But unfortunately, there's no way to know what will happen before you give it a shot. So, if you like the guy, take an honest look at your schedule. Will someone die if you miss this event? Will you get fired if you miss that? If the answers are no, perhaps you can send your regrets and go on a date instead.

Remember, you can ask questions anonymously by clicking here or by emailing me at

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Human Experimentation #6: Mae and Samuel

THE GUY: Samuel is a 31-year-old software engineer whose drink of choice is whiskey. He's 6 feet tall and SUPER CUTE, aka "the Impossible Dreamboat."

THE GAL: Mae is a 30-year-old employed as an editor, but just to pay the bills. She packs her days full with friends, activities and assorted other whimsy.

THE REASON FOR THE MATCH: Mae and Samuel both struck me as extremely social people who would need someone who could match their energy levels. A term that came to my mind was "restless souls," which Mae's best friend confirmed was a description that fit her. And they were both just so cute, I just had to get them together because I felt that they'd have beautiful children.

I kept that last tidbit to myself, though.

THE DATE: Being busy people, Mae and Samuel emailed each other for about a week before their schedules aligned, which Samuel said was kind of nice because he felt like he got to know her a little better. It was Cinco de Mayo, so they wanted to plan something "epic," according to Mae. Samuel ultimately took the lead and suggested meeting for tacos at Sol on H Street Northeast. He told her he had other things planned, but left it "shrouded in mystery for me," she said.

Apparently, they had a very inattentive server, and it took nearly 20 minutes to get a drink. Mae said things were a little awkward at first while they were waiting, and she said Samuel seemed to be counting on getting that drink. But Samuel said that it seemed to work out for the best because they got that time to just talk some more. They used the time to go over all of their "personal stats" -- normal first date stuff -- and got that out of the way. Eventually the wait staff got its shit together and they got a bunch of free margaritas out of the deal.

Sol began to get packed, so Samuel directed the evening over to H Street Country Club, which is one of MY FAVORITE date spots ever. Mini golf is AWESOME. Being the drinking holiday that it was, they both ended up with free shot glasses on necklaces, which Mae got a kick out of. They played two games of mini golf, both of which Samuel won.

His prize?

"I've been instructed to say he has the softest beard ever," said Mae.

Awwww, yeah -- some SMOOCHING!!!!!!!

The duo played skeeball next, which Mae totally dominated, but she forgot to put a bet on it so she didn't get any additional prize from Samuel.

Samuel's final plan had been to take Mae to get pie; she's not a sweets person, however, so they headed to Barrel for a nightcap. Mae tells me there was some additional smooching there. Yippee!

Finally, it was 11:30, so they parted ways.

THE RESULT: Another win! Mae said the date was "a ton of fun and much more interesting than some of the other first dates I've been on." Samuel said that Mae was "really cool. A lot of energy. An amazing smile. Insane skeeball skills."

So where will they go from here?

"We had a lot of fun together, and I think we're both all about getting into adventures," said Samuel. "We are definitely going to see each other again."

If you'd like to see who I'd put you with, send me an email at!